What is relationship?
It is nothing. It is nothing until you create it.
"Relationship is nothing until you create it."
A wise teacher once told me this. For a few moments I was dazed, then outraged, then frustrated. It sounded like sacrilege to me. I protested...
"Well, what about...?"
"Or, how about...?"
"But, what if...?"
I sputtered for a while this way...then I saw it; relationship isn't anything unless we create it.
Oh sure, we make assumptions, we have beliefs, traditions, expectations; what society says, what our family does, what our religion dictates, etc. But none of this provides us with tangible guidelines, or definable parameters.
We assume that we will love - and be loved - and we leave it at that.
How's that workin' for ya?
It is interesting that all of the significant contracts and arrangements we make in our lives - homes, cars, loans, businesses, even our death - involve clear, written agreements. And yet, when it comes to love, we don't want to be as clear - or as responsible - about the thing we say we value most.
If these relationships - lovers, children, parents, friends, partners - are so important to us, why don't we want to create clear agreements regarding them? We need agreements that embody our needs, values, boundaries, and desires...so our relationships can be successful and fulfilling.
But, we would rather "leave it to love." We assume we will love them, they will love us, and it will all work itself out in the end, right?
And again, how's that workin' for ya?
The reality is that we live in a physical body, in a physical world, in a physical reality. So, that which we want to be fulfilling, enjoyable, and beneficial does need to be consciously defined in order for us to experience it fully.
It's the simple physics of how our world works.
Our most powerful and profound experiences - of ourselves and with others - are meant to be experienced fully, right here, in this reality; not left to love, imagination, hope, soul mates, or some other nebulous intellectual or pseudo spiritual concept.
It is incumbent upon us to take responsibility for that which we want to create. So, to experience worthwhile, meaningful, fulfilling relationships we must be willing to create them.
In other words, relationship must be defined in order to be truly fulfilling.
"Oh, but that's so unromantic!"
"We're lovers in another reality!"
"I just love him and he loves me!"
"We've been together for years."
"Love conquers all."
"But, we're soul mates!"
"Love is a lot of work."
"Love is suffering."
"Love is commitment."
One last time, how that workin' for ya?
I'm not trying to be rude or snarky here, but I am trying to make an important point.
The truth is...there can be more magic, more enjoyment, more freedom, more intimacy, and more fulfillment (poem) when a relationship is clearly defined with agreements.
When the parameters of love, acceptance, respect, responsibility, and freedom are clear, that serves and supports both partners and the relationship. In this way, both partners can experience, explore, and expand within themselves and with one another.
What's more, if you're not mature enough to be willing to communicate, define, and create agreements - regarding the relationships you value most in your life - perhaps it's time for you to do some work on you. Why? Because it would appear that you don't know your Self - or value your Self - well enough to create clear agreements. Or, perhaps you are fearful of the reality and the responsibility of authentic, adult relationship?
You are free to choose to be mature and responsible about your relationships; or to choose not to be mature and responsible about your relationships. Either way, you are making a choice.
"No choice," is a choice. "No choice" - just like making a choice - has consequences, results, and effects.
So, what are the building blocks that will support us to not only redefine our relationships, but to evolve as individuals - and as partners - within our relationships?
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